Should We Speak Both Languages at Home?

My opinion? No. Now, I want you to do your own research, but here’s my big reason (for Japan).

When your child starts to go to school, what language will they be speaking? Whatever the primary language of the country you live in is. For us, that’s Japanese. What language does he see on the way on signs? Japanese. His teachers speak..? Japanese. His friends speak..? Japanese. So, if we speak Japanese at home…when will he ever really get sufficient English immersion? As I see it, he won’t. Now, don’t EVER pressure your children to speak a language because the #1 rule is “It must be fun.” Have fun with your home language. Living in Japan, I have seen firsthand the English ability/fluency of my friends’ children and have asked them their approaches. Here were their experiences:

• Both Languages at Home

  • For the couples I know who tried both languages at home, it worked okay at first, but the older the children got (5-8 y/o), they said that they either struggled with one language over the other, both, or more importantly, their language problem was the root of a self-esteem issue stemming from school/classmates. This does not mean that switching languages at home is evil. Although my son is only about 2, I have been around other children/families that speak both languages at home AFTER the crucial acquisition phase has passed. I would say this is about 10-12 years of age (I’m just taking a guess).

    Only family I knew had three kids, always English at home, and went to typical Japanese schools. They were triplets, all 18 when I met them. They were perfectly native in both languages as far as their conversation ability.

    Another family I knew had two boys. One 11, one 7. They tried hard at home to use only English for their first boy and now he’s about 19 and his English is native. However, their other boy they let Japanese slip in more and although he can speak English very well, I don’t know if he could be considered a full native.

• One Language at Home

  • The family I heavily based our decision on was our friends with two girls. They spoke only English, and the girls went to Japanese schools. They sounded like little American girls in their daily play and at home at the dinner table. Their second language (Japanese) was slow at first, but now (7 and 5), they’re probably equally bilingual.

• Spanish-speaking homes in the US

  • A little bit different, but a great comparison for those of us living in Japan and raising a third-culture kid. It is very common for children whose parents are Spanish-speaking to only speak Spanish at home, and as I’m sure many of you have witnessed firsthand, those kids speak English and school and with their friends, are native-level, and their Spanish from home is B-E-A-utiful.

The Caveat

There is no such thing as a perfect bilingual. Speaking-wise, I don’t think people really struggle too much. But you have to think, if they’re not receiving schooling in English, then they won’t have as strong of academic English. If they go to a Japanese university, then they probably won’t ever really learn how to write essays with the same verbosity and prowess. And that’s okay. We all know that all of the “skills” we learn in school don’t always apply in real life right? But, if you want to preserve something you learned in college and pass it on to your kids, then do so. Just remember, don’t pressure them!

If you’re interested in learning Japanese, would like some language advice, or need relocation support for your move to Japan, feel free to message me at languagementor.jp@gmail.com